Dear Reality,

it is strange that you are. I do not think you are very defined in the sense that what you are is really clear. In a way the whole idea of being and living a life is too much to grasp and define. And honestly, I do not try. I am too amazed by the mere thought of life and being a conscious being to try making sense of it all.

Reality, you cannot be altered. At least not that I know of. I can certainly change you in my mind, in my dreams and in my imagination but I cannot actively change you for others as well, at least not with regard to the presence and not the future.

I can spend hours contemplating, imagining. Sometimes I forget about you, reality, because I am daydreaming so wholemindedly that it feels like waking when I snap back into your realm. For seconds I must adjust because everything else but you feels real.

Dear Vegetating,

or the art of leading a passive existence without exertion of body or mind.* You are so rare these days. I embrace you. Only for today, but you are a welcome change.

And now the chocolate!

All is a symphony of idleness and chocolaty indulgence. The luxury of being ill during the holidays.




* cf. Webster

Dear Mucus,

get off me! You have no business occupying my nasal, pulmonary, and, seemingly, cerebral corridors! Leave me alone!

As soon as the seasonal vacation days had begun, I became sick. It probably did not help to celebrate my birthday extensively, even though it was not my fault that I was brought into existence nine months and a day before a huge part of the world usually celebrates Christmas.

However, turning 30 allows for a party. Even when you are sick. It is that simple. My voice is not angelic anyway, so me sounding like a tractor when singing Christmas carols was not that much different from any year before. Then again, my birthday is always one day before Christmas, so maybe this is why my voice is never fit for singing Christmas songs....well, no, my voice just really sucks. People even make fun of that, but I honestly do not care. I like singing. I consider it a form of rejoicing and communication. But this is a topic for another day.

Today's topic was...yeah, what was it? My mucus-ridden brain is not very bright. I have a lot of chocolate. Why do I always get that much chocolate for Christmas? Who is going to eat that? It is not that I do not like to enjoy huge amounts of chocolate...but that is exactly my point! When even I say that this is too much, it is the truth...and definitely a first world problem.

I am also amazed by the people that love and care about me because every year they come up with beautiful presents. I already own a lot of stuff and there is not much that I need and basically nothing that I really need. And still, they find awesome gifts that are nothing but perfect. My plan for next year is: one gift only from each person. I wonder how that will turn out. On the one hand I am just not really convinced of all this consumerism and I just don't need that many things anymore. On the other hand, however, I do not want to spoil the fun for others.

Today I will stay in bed. Luckily, I have no family dinner or any other obligations because this is, fortunately, planned for the 27th. I will probably dull my already oh so lame mind with more tea, chocolate and random movies.

Have a good one, everybody. Even you, Mucus, and then get the heck out off my system!!!

Dear Impertinence,

sometimes people surprise me with their audacity. What makes them act in a way I never would choose myself?

Is it not very stupid to do something that might cause me problems just for the mere fun of doing it? There can be consequences that should definitely be considered. It is very likely that nothing bad will happen, but the very option for bad consequences should at least make people think.

Not so some of my friends. That makes me feel estranged. The special incident I am refering to is not really of significance. It is more the gigantic divide between their actions and my precaution, which leaves me standing in front of the elevator, while they are going up with the intention to do something that might cause trouble. I don't mind daring things from time to time, but I choose those actions differently. I often do not bother because I do not see why I should. It is not worth it in my opinion.

It would be exaggerated to claim I was wise or especially careful with my actions. I am not. I did proof that two nights before when getting myself into a situation I clearly, cleary did not want to be in. However, that was a result of a whole chain of things that came to pass. Something I could not totally forsee, even though I might have. But openly calling for trouble is neither my style nor to my liking.

I was left standing in front of the elevator suprised and very angry. My anger derived from the disbelief that they would go on, even though I said I was out. Why not come with me and do it differently? So I took the stairs to the ground floor and left the building, disappointed and angry.

It does not matter. Not to them I guess. I bet they don't even understand my choice and will misinterpret it. But I am glad, now, that I have some integrety. At least to myself. And I still believe it is wise to not risk a whole lot just because I can. Just because I need the feeling to be fearless, careless or being above rules. There would have been another way, which I had hoped they would go with me.

Stupid them. Tomorrow it will be forgotten. I will not make a big deal out of it. This is not my place. They are grown-up people and should live their lives the way they think fit. I will swollow down my silent critique and hope I will not have to choose again between spending time with them and making the right choice for me.

I let go of that anger now because I did right by me. That is what counts!